i grew more alone as you grew stronger. i can’t tell if that’s a good thing because most days i’m trying to figure out what it means to be a man. and i hope that when you leave here you’ll find someone to call your own, you’ll dress them up, strip them of their name and sit them down. i hope you know that even if there are no stars in the sky you can still find your way back home. because when they come calling you’ll be long gone. it’s what you’ve always wanted and you’ve spent your whole life deciding on whether or not you should go for it. take the hand that’s in front of you and let the whole world know that you can speak all by yourself. bite the bullet and let it kill you because i’m not sure what else is out there.

I just hope you know you never leave my mind; even if I’m thinking of something else. I know that you’re there and it’s comforting, more than comforting it’s real. You’re the only one, all that I feel from you, all that I hope, and all that I dream is because of you. It’s the only thing in my life that I’m able to validate. I never second guess, there is never a thought as to why, because all I am concerned with is that it is current and happening in every moment. When I wake you are with me, you run through every course of my existence, my bones, my blood, my skin, and my heart. You stretch my soul apart with your words, your eyes, your passion and all that I see you as. I lose myself in you and there’s no where else I’d rather be than kept safe in you. I love you, I do and I’ve never even been in your presence, but it feels like it’s been a lifetime. Please stay with me, for all times.

I want to lay in bed with you.

I want to massage you.

I want to feel you.

I want to take pictures with you.

I want to take walks with you.

I want to take showers with you.

I want to run away with you and never come back.

It’s so hard to find comfort in things anymore. I feel the aging process quickening, and the air in my lungs wont stay in as it once did. I look in the mirror from time to time and i’ll notice that my face has hardened. I have gone from childhood to the end of me without an in-between. I am circling myself waiting to drop. They say that the inside is what matters, and they’re right. That’s where we keep all of our misery until it pours out and eats at us until we’re nothing more than bits of Earth being kicked by the heels of people we once were. It’s a cycle, and the loneliest cycle I’ve ever had the displeasure of knowing.

You make me feel like I am home even when I’m away, you make me feel like the world will spin forever, you make me feel like I am everything good in life, you make me feel like I can find love in hate, right in wrong, and beauty in the uninviting. You now live in my thoughts and are born within me. Your face is shaped by my hands; and I will love you now until the day I leave my body. And even then I will find my way back to you. They say for every beginning there must come an end, but I will never be finished with you. And that’s how I want it to be, you’re always with me no matter where I go and I love you, I’ll love you beyond limits, always.

i will keep my life down to the simple things now. the thought of you doesn’t make me sad anymore, it fills me with mostly empathy. there is no longer a sinking pit in my stomach. i am untied and bound by nothing at all. i will be carried by the wind at my back. i will stop for no one, those who i have loved who have forgotten me, i’ve left you. i will not look back, i will not find you, and i will not give any more away. i’m content, i’m alive. and i’m ready for whatever comes.

I will give you the rest of me,

my aspirations

my smile

my eyes

all of that which makes my being

I’ll give it to you with open arms

in hopes of you putting me into my place

i like to draw pictures on your skin

i like kicking our feet to the rhythm of the waves

they crash into our feet, and the sand fills our shoes

but we don’t mind, do we?

so as I match your step I hope you’ll take me.

take me and form me into something I know I can be.

you see the good in me, and only you.

as I wet my lips, I’ll tell you.

i’ll tell you everything i’m holding inside

you free me from suffering

and i long for you

my throat has gone dry from all the cigarettes

and as I light another, I pray that this one will kill me

inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale

over and over

it plays like a song for me and only me

and as I watch the smoke twist with the air

I listen

every time you look away from me it’s like waves crashing into me

i can feel my skin become withered from the salt

i can feel my blood replaced with the water

i need what you can give, and i know it’s not much

but i’d like you to stay the night

i’d like to tell you things

things about you that you never notice

the way you put more weight on your right foot when you walk

the way you dance, the way you pick at the skin on your lips

i’d like all of you, please.

let me stay.